Posted by: George Kimani | January 12, 2018

Before Walking Down the Aisle?| George Kimani

My Wife and I did Premarital counseling with a Reverend, a Bishop and our Best Couple. We also visited a few marriage and relationship experts’ seminars. In our first session with each of them, they outlined 5 of the most important factors to consider and communicate about before walking down the aisle. It’s so important to have these standards in place in order to prevent a big mistake which leads to unnecessary heartache. Jess and I believe that the best time to prepare for marriage is before you have one. If you’re in a relationship now or you’re single, use these as a great guideline when considering who is a wise person to invest your heart in.

Friends- What are his/her friends like? We are the average of the 5 people we surround ourselves with the most, so their friends are a great indicator as to who he is when he’s not in “impressing you” mode. Does he have friends? Is he a bridge burner or relationships keeper? How does he treat them? Are his friends kind and respectful towards you? You should be able to hang out with them in group settings and feel uplifted and relaxed.

t,You may not love everyone and they may not be best friends with you, but there should at least be respect in treating you well. Also, your man should always cover you and make you feel loved no matter what the circumstances are. While dating my wife Jess, I was worried his friends wouldn’t like me. Jess said; because I love you, they will love you. This helped me to feel confident and you deserve that too. You also want to be able to trust your better half with his/her friends, knowing they will hold him/her accountable to be his best self so your relationship can thrive in a healthy environment.

Family- Pay attention to his relationship with his family. Consider it a red flag if he doesn’t have one at all. While there are extenuating circumstances, you want to see that your future husband knows how to resolve conflict and repair relationships when conflict arises by extending forgiveness through his humility. How does he treat his mother? It sounds cliché, but it’s so true that how he treats his mother is a great indicator as to how he will treat you one day.

Some people have the notion that when they get married, they’re going to be in their own little bubble away from the world. But in reality, when you get married, you are also marrying their families. So consider how they treat you. How do you feel when you’re around them? If they are not warm and welcoming, then your guy should absolutely cover you and let them know that you are important to him, therefore they need to behave considerately. They should feel lucky to get you as a daughter in law.

Finance- Finance is a leading cause of divorce. It doesn’t matter if you’re poor or rich, it’s how s/he handles his/her money that matters. Is he or she responsible? What does his spending and saving habits look like? You definitely don’t want to end up married and then discover he overspends, has ruined credit or a substantial amount of debt that will add strain to your relationship.

When Jess and I got engaged, we were completely transparent with our financials and discussed mutual short and long-term goals. Money is a very sensitive topic for me and is for many people, but open and clear communication up front will prevent detrimental surprises later. And remember, where he spends his money is where his heart is.

Future- Pay attention to his/her ambitions and vision for his future. Does he include you in his future plans? It’s important to share similar goals and a future vision so you can dream together rather than drift apart. Teamwork equals dream work. There are married couples who are doing completely different things and going in opposite directions, and it can work well for some of them. In general, it will make life a whole lot more pleasant and enjoyable if you can have stimulating conversations about your shared dreams.

Faith- Do you share the same faith and beliefs? At the end of the day, the last thing you want to argue about is what you consider to be the source and foundational principles of life. Don’t be stubborn and insist that you have to learn this on your own by experiencing it. True wisdom is learning from other peoples mistakes, so take it from me.

Don’t let love blind you now and wake up when it’s too late. Use these tools and wisdom to protect your destiny, your dreams and the future love story you deserve. Now you have standards to look for in a partner, but don’t worry because next week, I’ll dish the standards to keep for yourself!

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
Posted by: George Kimani | January 12, 2018

The right time to Propose| George Kimani

When I proposed to my wife six years ago there was no fanfare, just a simple ring and an honest commitment to walk her down the aisle a year later. Looking at modern day proposals, I probably might have to pull up my socks and spice it a little was I to do it today.

Having a ‘perfect proposal’ is now common among us and many ladies long for that moment. People are proposing live on air on TV and radio shows, in between worship session in churches and engagement parties are now common. Whereas these are good efforts so often we get consumed with a perfect proposal and miss the most important part of it- ‘the perfect moment’. That is why you will see a lady with an engagement ring three years after the perfect proposal with no wedding date in sight and many break ups so soon after lavish engagements or weddings.

So what makes a perfect moment for a perfect proposal?

Wedding date

proposal-pfThe most important thing after that perfect proposal is the wedding date. If he proposes and doesn’t say the wedding date then be quick to ask otherwise when it is open-ended you run the risk of having someone’s ring for years. It doesn’t have to be a big wedding. It can be a traditional wedding, a simple wedding at the Attorney general’s office or even in church. Moving in together isn’t a wedding it’s a come we stay engagement.

Secondly a perfect proposal shouldn’t come out of the blues. If he is the type that hasn’t talked about the wedding for years or always ducks that topic whenever you introduce it then you might be looking at a fluke. There are some who propose after pressure from parents, friends or even you as his lady. A perfect proposal moment is one that he is fully into the marriage and not just giving you the proposal of the year.

Foundation issues
Getting to the marriage stage is a process. It involves our minds and hearts. The perfect moment for a perfect proposal means you have talked about marriage over time. You have argued over foundation issues like which church to attend, how many children to get, where to settle, how to manage your finances and how to deal with in-laws among others.

If there are major disagreements and haven’t gotten a compromise then the perfect proposal might not be that perfect after all. This reminds me of an associate of a friend of mine who was a staunch evangelical. He fell in love with staunch member of a certain Church all along hoping that she will change her faith and join his church. After a perfect proposal he had to break the engagement when the lady insisted that she wasn’t ready to change her church.
The perfect proposal isn’t about the show but the commitment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Older Posts »

Categories

%d bloggers like this: