Posted by: George Kimani | July 1, 2017

Allow her ask questions

Women love to ask questions, men hate them since they believe they got it all figured out.

Most men believe they know what they are doing at all times. Many don’t like questions. They hate to be questioned and rarely ask questions themselves. It is interesting how a man will struggle to figure directions to a place while all he could have done is asked the guard around the corner.

Due to their nature, men don’t want to be questioned especially by their spouses or girlfriends. On the other hand their women often burn with thimagese desire to question things. This questioning thing can really get down relationships.

Many men see questions to mean their women are either complaining or are doubting them. For the good men, they genuinely work hard for their family and believe their women should enjoy their sweat and not question them. Cheeky men and the patriarchal kind on the other hand get defensive when questions are asked since they either think they are being investigated or the woman want to get in control.

On the other side women believe they have a stake in their husband’s life and are just looking out for the welfare of the union or family. In good scenarios which I believe are the most cases, when women are asking questions they want to ensure things are ok. Women have the sixth sense and often see something most men won’t see, that’s why men should allow women into their lives to ask questions. Allowing your woman to ask questions, criticize your plans and dreams doesn’t make you weak neither does it make them in charge, it enriches you.

I learnt this a week ago when I decided to give my sister an old phone. Immediately I handed it over, my wife asked me for it and checked whether I had removed my stuff from the memory card. Interestingly I had forgotten. You see women are into details, while men look into the bigger picture. For success both the small details and the bigger picture are important. Therefore the woman should expect that the man will at times miss the small details, while the man should allow the woman to check these.

Even as the woman gets her way to ask questions it is good not to make the man look stupid, sloppy or careless. Identifying the small things your man misses doesn’t in any way make your superior or perfect; it makes you an asset in the success of your union.

The surest way to lock your man from letting you into his world is becoming a constant critic of everything he does. Try enriching his plans instead. I always find it irresistible when my wife says:

“Lovely idea, how about we add a different twist to it……” or “I don’t say I am right but I think this would be better if you did it differently.” At times she has no answer but she has a lead.

Secondly make it a habit to show admiration to your man’s achievements, big or small. This way when you criticize something else he will appreciate it since you don’t always do it

Posted by: George Kimani | July 1, 2017

Man, Not Masculinity. Responsibility!!

    Being a man is not in masculinity but in fulfilling one’s responsibilities to his family and society.
Manhood is exhibited in ones responsibility to his woman (girlfriend or wife) and his children. By extension a man has a responsibility to his extended family and society. Being a man is not the giving orders in your house or just paying bills but the commitment to being present and influential in the lives of those people who matter.
In our church we have been privileged to do a series on family and last Friday this happened the speaker, a marriage counselor and TV Host did leave a lasting impression about this.
In another Man to Man talk for married men, the speaker spoke about Manhood. He summarized the role of a man into five critical responsibilities which I thought I should share, and just hope that a man would read this.
1. Priest
A man should offer spiritual nourishment to his family or relationship. He should lead the reading of scripture, praying together and even praying over his family. In good times and bad times the man should know that his family is looking up to him. My late father never forgot to say “If God wills” at the end of every family plan we had. This made us look unto God for everything. It is tragic when the man in the house has no reference for God.
2. Prophet
family  black-family-praying-e1319985957902When a man understands the depth of being a prophet in his life he cares the words he says to his woman and children. A man should learn to prophesy good things to the future of his family. He sees the potential in them and speaks God’s favor into it. He sees the weakness in the people that he loves and encourages and helps them to overcome these. If a man has to correct he should always do this in love and never curse. It is sad when all a man does is to curse his woman and children.
3. Present and involved
A responsible man is present and involved in the lives of his girlfriend or wife and children. No matter how busy his job is a responsible man will always create time to be with those people who matter. He will also seek ways to be involved in their lives. He will want to know how they are doing and influence and them when need be.
4. Provider
A man’s divine role is to be a provider for his family. There is no excuse to this. Everyday a responsible man will work hard to ensure that the needs of his family are met. Whereas the woman in his life should help in this it is the man’s primary duty. A man can use the resources of his wife to multiply their earnings but should never escape his responsibility because the wife is earning as much or more. A responsible man goes beyond today’s needs and plans for the needs of tomorrow. He should be the leader in family savings, investments and planning.
5. Protector
There is an intrinsic capability put in men by God to protect those people around him. A responsible man protects his girlfriend or family from dangers of this world. When life gets tough a responsible man doesn’t run away but instead stays around and helps figure out a way out of it. A responsible man shields his woman and or kids from the dangers within, that of in laws, friends or enemies.
For the men out there this is a reality check on what it takes to add value to the woman and or children in your life. For the women it could act as a guide on the way to pray and encourage your man if you already got one or a checklist if you are looking for a man.

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