Posted by: George Kimani | January 12, 2018

The right time to Propose| George Kimani

When I proposed to my wife six years ago there was no fanfare, just a simple ring and an honest commitment to walk her down the aisle a year later. Looking at modern day proposals, I probably might have to pull up my socks and spice it a little was I to do it today.

Having a ‘perfect proposal’ is now common among us and many ladies long for that moment. People are proposing live on air on TV and radio shows, in between worship session in churches and engagement parties are now common. Whereas these are good efforts so often we get consumed with a perfect proposal and miss the most important part of it- ‘the perfect moment’. That is why you will see a lady with an engagement ring three years after the perfect proposal with no wedding date in sight and many break ups so soon after lavish engagements or weddings.

So what makes a perfect moment for a perfect proposal?

Wedding date

proposal-pfThe most important thing after that perfect proposal is the wedding date. If he proposes and doesn’t say the wedding date then be quick to ask otherwise when it is open-ended you run the risk of having someone’s ring for years. It doesn’t have to be a big wedding. It can be a traditional wedding, a simple wedding at the Attorney general’s office or even in church. Moving in together isn’t a wedding it’s a come we stay engagement.

Secondly a perfect proposal shouldn’t come out of the blues. If he is the type that hasn’t talked about the wedding for years or always ducks that topic whenever you introduce it then you might be looking at a fluke. There are some who propose after pressure from parents, friends or even you as his lady. A perfect proposal moment is one that he is fully into the marriage and not just giving you the proposal of the year.

Foundation issues
Getting to the marriage stage is a process. It involves our minds and hearts. The perfect moment for a perfect proposal means you have talked about marriage over time. You have argued over foundation issues like which church to attend, how many children to get, where to settle, how to manage your finances and how to deal with in-laws among others.

If there are major disagreements and haven’t gotten a compromise then the perfect proposal might not be that perfect after all. This reminds me of an associate of a friend of mine who was a staunch evangelical. He fell in love with staunch member of a certain Church all along hoping that she will change her faith and join his church. After a perfect proposal he had to break the engagement when the lady insisted that she wasn’t ready to change her church.
The perfect proposal isn’t about the show but the commitment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted by: George Kimani | July 1, 2017

Allow her ask questions

Women love to ask questions, men hate them since they believe they got it all figured out.

Most men believe they know what they are doing at all times. Many don’t like questions. They hate to be questioned and rarely ask questions themselves. It is interesting how a man will struggle to figure directions to a place while all he could have done is asked the guard around the corner.

Due to their nature, men don’t want to be questioned especially by their spouses or girlfriends. On the other hand their women often burn with thimagese desire to question things. This questioning thing can really get down relationships.

Many men see questions to mean their women are either complaining or are doubting them. For the good men, they genuinely work hard for their family and believe their women should enjoy their sweat and not question them. Cheeky men and the patriarchal kind on the other hand get defensive when questions are asked since they either think they are being investigated or the woman want to get in control.

On the other side women believe they have a stake in their husband’s life and are just looking out for the welfare of the union or family. In good scenarios which I believe are the most cases, when women are asking questions they want to ensure things are ok. Women have the sixth sense and often see something most men won’t see, that’s why men should allow women into their lives to ask questions. Allowing your woman to ask questions, criticize your plans and dreams doesn’t make you weak neither does it make them in charge, it enriches you.

I learnt this a week ago when I decided to give my sister an old phone. Immediately I handed it over, my wife asked me for it and checked whether I had removed my stuff from the memory card. Interestingly I had forgotten. You see women are into details, while men look into the bigger picture. For success both the small details and the bigger picture are important. Therefore the woman should expect that the man will at times miss the small details, while the man should allow the woman to check these.

Even as the woman gets her way to ask questions it is good not to make the man look stupid, sloppy or careless. Identifying the small things your man misses doesn’t in any way make your superior or perfect; it makes you an asset in the success of your union.

The surest way to lock your man from letting you into his world is becoming a constant critic of everything he does. Try enriching his plans instead. I always find it irresistible when my wife says:

“Lovely idea, how about we add a different twist to it……” or “I don’t say I am right but I think this would be better if you did it differently.” At times she has no answer but she has a lead.

Secondly make it a habit to show admiration to your man’s achievements, big or small. This way when you criticize something else he will appreciate it since you don’t always do it

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