Posted by: George Kimani | August 1, 2016

How men and Women Love| George Kimani

Men mostly get into relationships with their heads first before their hearts.

A man is likely to evaluate the viability of a future relationship before committing his heart. After successive thinking, evaluation, soul searching and at times consulting friends the man falls in love and the heart joins the head in the relationship.

Women on the other hand get in there with their hearts only to evaluate with their minds while therein. While men are fast in seeking a relationship women take time evaluating the viability. The difference so often creates conflict and at times leaves behind broken hearts.

Unfortunately the man will never tell you that he is trying out and often ‘evaluation’ is accompanied by the ‘love’ acts and most women misunderstand this to mean ‘he is heels over you.’

imagesCalls, sms, visits, gifts and dates are mostly part of the evaluation stage for the man yet so often misunderstood by the woman as expressions of love. The words “I love you” have at times been said by many men at the evaluation stage while the women do this at the love stage.

So often gracious ladies fall into the trap of love and are later frustrated. It is dangerous to take good acts to mean he is in love. He could or he could not. If he hasn’t said it and under a mutual feeling there is consensus from your side it is safe not to be so sure.

If his head (and at times his friends’ advisors) tell him there is no future with you he is set to end the relationship, at times abruptly or subtly.

Men have at times strange ways of ending relationships and cutting communication is one of the alarm bells that all is not well.

There are many likely reasons why he is not calling, sending messages or visiting you as he used to but one thing is sure; something is amiss.

It however does not mean you are unlovable or ugly or hard to live with. It is likely that his personality does not agree with yours or there is something new he has leant about you that due to his values, character or beliefs he cannot live with.

The way to deal with this depends on how far the ‘relationship’ had gone. If there had been a verbal commitment you have a right to ask what happened. The answer will help you assess the course to take.

If the two of you feel that it is not viable it is safe to call it quits. The wisdom is never to push him if he is persistent it can’t work.

At times it is possible to address the diversity in character and based on the strength of the bond move on. However this must be cleared at this point and enough reasoning (and not feelings and emotions) on how to deal with this explored. If you don’t get a way to navigate the personality diversity it is time to move on; your suitor in character and personality has not yet arrived!

Another likelihood reason for cutting communication and favors is the feeling that you two are taking it too fast and after reviewing the practicability he feels it is important to slow down.

This could be that he is not ready to settle down yet, he is in school, he has some unachieved goals or he is financially unstable at the moment.

The communication bump offers you an opportunity to review the relationship and chart a way forward together, at this point you need to clarify the practical pace.

The other common reason behind the pace slow down is the possibility that it was never love but infatuation.

If the two of you were just carried in the moment of emotions it is time to retrace your steps to the shore and watch things happen while guarding your heart and feelings. Deal with the infatuation and move on with life.

When the alarm bell of dwindling communication, diminishing dates, gifts and visits rings it is time to retrace the direction of the ‘relationship. ‘

Fading communication and favors are sure indicators that all is not well. These should meet a reflex action of reviewing the relationship. This does not mean that it is automatically over but a review of its practicability aside of emotions saves you the agony of a heart break later.


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